Circle of Friends

I had a misunderstanding with a friend.  A misunderstanding that wasn't really a misunderstanding but a big messy fight.  A fight that resulted in lines drawn and us giving back each other's Tupperware (No, she wasn't my neighbor) and other items we've borrowed from one another. We broke up.  It feels sort of like the time when you broke up with your first high school boyfriend, you know that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach that you can actually feel in your heart, you remember that feeling?  Yeah, that is what this feels like.   

Because this friend was part of a circle of friends, and because her accusations were pretty brutal, I am no longer part of the circle. It makes me really sad.  I lost some really good friends.  And I know what you are thinking, that if they were really good friends that they would have atleast given me the benefit of the doubt, right?  Well, they didn't.  I fear if I pleaded my case now that I would just make things worse, and look like a crazy lady.   This misunderstanding  fight happened several months ago, and I really thought I had moved on, accepted something I tried, but ultimately couldn't change. 

Just now I saw pictures on facebook  of the circle of friends and their daughters at a birthday party.   It was just a reminder.  A reminder of what went down.  A reminder of all the untruths that were spun.  A reminder that besides that circle of friends, I hadn't invested enough time in my other friendships.  A reminder that I am no longer part of the circle.  We are all in our 30's and this closely resembles something that would happen in middle school.  I know this.  But it still hurts. It's not so much the invitation or the lack of one, it's what it represents.  It's saying, " We took a vote and you're out".  And I really have to think that if five educated, talented, and motherly ladies think I shouldn't associate with them, then what is wrong with ME.  Self doubt is a bitch!  In my head over and over I've rehearsed what I would say to all of them.  To make them see the big picture and that which was said was ultimately misconstrued. I want to show them the PROOF!  What was said doesn't make a difference now, I guess.  In the end I know the truth, but I can't help but want them to know it too.   My heart is heavy with the loss of these friendships.  I'll get past it.  I'll make new friends.  I've learned something from this, and in the end I guess that is what is most important.  Still, breaking up is hard to do.

And I think this is the part where you tell me there are plenty of fish in the sea!!!